HERPES

How can I have sex with my husband when I have HSV1 herpes?

Dear Dr. Amy:

 I just found out about 3 months ago that I have HSV1 genital herpes. My question to you is how can I have sex with my husband now knowing that I can turn right around and give it to him? We have been married for 6 years and we have had a wonderful sex life together, but now that I know, I feel I hold back a lot of emotion during our lovemaking and I am afraid it might put a damper on our wonderful relationship.. I love him enough to do what ever I can to keep this disease from him.

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Dr. Amy’s Response:

 There are precautions that you can take such as use of condoms and dental dams for oral sex. These are not 100% safe so there is some possibility of risk. However, I hear from many couples that they do continue to have satisfying sex even being aware of the risk. This may be an opportunity to expand and explore your sexual menu beyond the confines of genital sex. Sensuous touch, fantasy, and erotic art, are but a few suggestions.

Your partner may or may not contract herpes. Have you discussed how this has affected him? You both might have similar concerns and perhaps you can initiate a conversation where you can begin to express the emotions that are holding you back sexually. For many couples, the sharing of emotional intimacy is more difficult than sharing sexual intimacy. These two types of intimacy are closely intertwined, as you are well aware. The sharing of oneself on many levels adds closeness and depth to a relationship.

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