HERPES

I got Herpes from my First Sexual Encounter

Dear Dr. Tom:

I have several questions. I am 33 years old, I’ve had herpes since I was 18, I got it from my first sexual encounter which was contact and not intercourse, so my breakouts are always on the outside. This is a big relief to me because I would be afraid of not being sure when I had breakouts, if they were inside. I have an obsessive compulsive disorder, with real concern about contamination. You can imagine how this has affected my sex life. I have been married for seven years. My husband has no problem with the fact that I have herpes, but I can’t get over it, mostly because of my contamination obsessions. Here are my questions: If he catches herpes from me, can I get it back on other parts of my body? 1- If I perform oral sex on him, can I get it on or in my mouth? 2- If we have intercourse can I catch it and start having breakouts inside? 3- If he gets it orally and we kiss, can I get it on or in my mouth?

If you could answer these questions for me, I will either be able to stop worrying, or deal with it, but at least I will know. I have been reading a lot lately about herpes, trying to be better informed, but my questions haven’t yet been answered. Thank you for your help.
Vickie

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Dr. Tom’s Response:

Dear Vickie:

Yes, it is possible to spread herpetic infections through such cross contamination. However, unless you have some immune defect, you and your husband are most unlikely to become an ever increasing pair of herpetic masses in a kind of viral ping-pong game. If your husband has genital herpes and is shedding virus, performing fellatio on him can likely lead to sores in your mouth, or you may acquire vaginal lesions through unprotected intercourse. Yes, cold sores or the zoster type of herpetic infection can be transmitted by kissing. To prevent ping-pong sexual diseases it is important for both partners to discuss their situation freely and seek medical attention at the same time.

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DR. AMY’S RESPONSE

Dear Vickie:

If having your questions about herpes answered by an expert like Dr. Tom is not enough to stop your obsessive thoughts – or if these concerns shift to another area, you may want to seek treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). There have been great strides in the treatment of OCD including medication, behavioral/cognitive therapy, and psychotherapy. Since you state that this concern has affected your sex life, a clinical sexologist could help with addressing and improving the sexual issues and behaviors. This is a treatable disorder and there are specialists who can help you.
Dr. Amy

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